The Heart Wants What It Wants
by wickedblack
Summary: Harry was happy with what he had; a loving godfather, a lovely godson and he was in a kind of a relationship with the man he had been in love with since he was fourteen. But some unexpected news will make his world come crashing down.


*****JSM*****

Harry didn't know what to do. He was lost and scared. He had just come home from St. Mungo's where he had gone for a check-up. His stomach had been feeling quizzy lately and he had decided to get himself checked up after he had thrown up for five mornings in a row. He had expected the healers to tell him that he had come up with some kind of pox, certainly not that he was three months pregnant. He hadn't even known that wizards were able to bear children.

But having a child growing inside him was not what scared him. He was actually happy. He had always wanted a big family and he knew that he would love his little baby and raise them the best he could even though he was only nineteen. What he was scared of was his lover's reaction.

He couldn't exactly be described as a lover though, he was more like a sex buddy than anything else. It was what __he__ wanted it to be at least; sex. It was so much more for Harry. He had been in love with his Slytherin since fourth year and when __he__ had approached him in sixth year, he had been over the moon. He had tried hard to forget about the fact that he was working for the one who had tried to kill him so many times and he had found that it was not as hard as it seemed.

Four months after their first time having sex, Harry had been relieved to hear that he actually was on the Light Side and was spying on Voldemort for Dumbledore. It had made things much easier for Harry, allowing him to enjoy his Slytherin fully. He had tried to not be saddened when he had told him that he was in it only for the sex and he had inwardly congratulated himself for not admiting his feelings for him earlier. He had decided that he would never tell anyone about those feelings and that he would be content with just taking what he had to offer. He was married after all, it was obvious that he would be in it just for the sex.

Harry had been devastated when he had seen his lover, Lucius Malfoy, flee from the battle with his wife and son. He had been relieved when he had realized,k;jk; Lucius wouldn't be in harm's way but he had been sure that he would never get to see him ever again. He had been dead set on dying once Voldemort was done and over with. What with Lucius being gone, Harry failed to see who would need him but then he heard that Tonks had died while Remus had lived. He had then decided to stay alive for his honorary godfather and his own godson. Surely __they__ would need him somehow.

He had been more than relieved when Lucius had appeared on his doorstep a few days later. They had celebrated the end of the war by enjoying each others' bodies for two days on end but then Lucius had had to go back to his wife and Harry had had to go to Grimmauld Place to spend some cherished time with Remus and Teddy.

A kind of routine had settled then, he and Lucius would meet thrice a week, just for sex. Now that Harry was of age, Lucius didn't even bother to hide himself which Harry was quite surprised of but he couldn't complain. Everyone knew that the two men had an affair and no one complained. No one except the Weasleys, well some of them, namely Molly, Arthur, Ron and Ginny. He was not close to Bill, Charlie and Percy so their opinion didn't matter much to him but they didn't seem to be against him having an affair with a man twice his age. He didn't see much of George lately, ever since Fred's death, the remaining twin had taken to avoiding everyone but he had told Harry that if Lucius was making him happy then he was happy for Harry and that he had to enjoy his loved one as long as he could because they could be fine one day and gone the next. Harry had then wondered if George had still been talking about Harry and his relationship or if he had been talking about his own love life. Ron was slightly mad at Harry for not telling him that he had been screwing Lucius and still had trouble accepting the fact that he was Malfoy, he complained about it everytime he and Harry saw each other but other than that he was kind of okay with it. Ginny was furious. She had grown up having a deep crush on Harry and had been dead set on marrying him once they were both of age. She had screamed and cried when she had heard about Harry's affair and had taken to hexing him every chance she got. Harry had caught himself thinking about throwing a Cruciatus at her more than once. Molly and Arthur seemed as mad as their daughter. Molly had shrieked at Harry that he had ruined everything while Arthur had glared daggers at him. They had taken to avoiding Harry and downright ignoring him whenever he was at Ron and Hermione's when they were there. They had even warded him out of the Burrow. Harry had tried to not be hurt by their behavior but it hurt like hell even a year and a half later.

He couldn't help who he was in love with. __He__ didn't know about his feelings but still, he didn't understand how people could judge someone on who they were dating, or fucking at least. Harry sighed heavily. Today, Lucius was supposed to meet him here, at his flat in Muggle London but Harry wasn't sure he could do it, not with knowing that he was carrying his child. He didn't love him and he would surely be mad at him for allowing his child to grow inside him. But Harry knew that he wouldn't get rid of the child so there was only one thing left for him to do; end things with his lover. He wasn't ready to face him just now though.

As if on cue, there was a knock on his door. He was here. Harry took a deep breath and looked around, trying to find something to do. Should he stay here and ignore him or flee? He grabbed a bag and stuffed it with clothes as fast as he could. He knocked again.

"Harry?" He heard Lucius call. "Come on, I know you're here."

Harry's eyes widened and he started panting in fear. He wasn't supposed to know he was here. He put as many clothes in his bag as he could, he took a look around to check if there was anything else he would need. He picked up his wand and Apparated away.

He landed in front of Number 12, Grimmauld Place and sighed, his shoulders sagging. Remus and Teddy had moved here right after the war. Sirius had lent it to Harry who had in turn lent it to Remus. The man had renovated the whole thing and had even arranged a room for Harry, __in case need be__. Remus had managed to take the Fidelius off, revealing Number 12 for everyone to see.

"Remus?" Harry called as he passed the front door.

"In the kitchen." Remus called back.

He heard quick little footsteps and grinned madly. "Hawwy!" Teddy cheered as he appeared at the other end of the long hallway. The twenty-months-old ran the best he could toward Harry, a happy grin on his face as his blue hair turned black. Harry let go of his bag and crouched, ready to welcome his godson in his arms.

Teddy collided hard with him, so much so that Harry nearly fell backwards. He wrapped his tiny arms around Harry's neck and giggled happily. Harry nuzzled his godson's hair and took a deep breath, not really surprised to notice that he smelt like chocolate. "Missed ya, Hawwy." Teddy said as he kissed his cheek.

"Missed you too, little one. Are you making cookies again?" Harry asked as he picked his bag back up and walked to the kitchen, Teddy still in his arms. Teddy nodded eagerly, a silly grin on his face.

Teddy was as much a chocolate addict as Remus was. Harry had been expecting it since the day he was born. Like father, like son. "Let me guess, all chocolate again?" Harry said playfully.

"You always guess, s'not funny." Teddy pouted.

"That's because I can read your mind." Harry grinned evilly when Teddy gasped in shock, his eyes as round as saucers.

"But that's cheating. M'telling Daddy." He wriggled out of Harry's arms just as they reached the kitchen. "Daddy, Hawwy cheated 'cause he wead my mind." Teddy whined as he ran to Remus who was standing in front of the oven, putting the cookie dough into it.

"Is that so? Do I have to scold him then?" Remus chuckled as he turned around and picked his giggling son up. He paled as soon as he caught sight of Harry and his bag. He was used to Harry spending the night but that was a huge bag.

"I'll explain later." Harry said, trying not to lose his smile for Teddy's sake. The little Metamorphmagus would worry if both Remus and Harry looked too serious.

Remus nodded and put Teddy down. "How about you show Harry your new toys while I fix him a drink and wait for the cookies to be ready?" Remus told Teddy.

"Yay!" Teddy cheered before taking hold of Harry's hand to pull him upstairs to his bedroom.

Harry and Teddy spent a good half an hour going over the boy's toys until Remus called them down to eat some cookies. Teddy cheered in joy and waited for Harry to pick him up. Whenever Harry came over, he spent most of his time carrying Teddy around. It seemed that the boy enjoyed being in Harry's arms and being carried around.

They quickly went downstairs where Remus was waiting for them. "I trust you both had fun." He said as he took Teddy from Harry's arms and put him down on a chair before giving a hot cookie.

"We did!" Teddy replied, humming in pleasure as he bit into his cookie.

"Good." Remus chuckled, ruffling his still black hair.

Remus settled next to Harry, facing his son. "Looks like we can talk now. What is going on?" Remus asked as he looked at Harry, frowning slightly in worry.

"Well, uh, do you remember how I told you that I was dating Lucius?" Remus nodded. "Well, we're not exactly dating. We're more like... Having fun." Harry looked down at his hands, waiting for Remus's soft outburst.

"And that is wrong, why?" Remus looked at him expectantly, obviously waiting for an answer.

"I- Oh Merlin, I love you Remus." Harry sighed in relief. He had expected Remus to lash out, much like the Weasley parents had done a year ago. But he realized now that it had been stupid of him to expect Remus to be angry. It was Remus, kind and understanding Remus.

"I love you too, cub." Remus chuckled slightly.

"You're the first person I talk to about this, okay? So don't be mad." Harry looked anxiously at Remus but the only reply he got was a nod and a kind smile. "Well, he want it to remain a physical relationship, he told me so but I might be slightly in love with him." Harry held his breath, waiting for Remus's reaction but he only got a nod, telling him to keep going. "It was great. I'm happy with what I have, or had, but I went to St. Mungo's earlier today because I was feeling sick." Harry took a deep breath. He wasn't even sure he was ready to say it out loud but there was no going back now. "I'm pregnant." Harry held his breath once again. He was so nervous that he felt like he was going to faint.

"Well..." Remus's voice was cold, just like Harry had been dreading it would be. "Do you want to keep it?"

Harry's eyebrows shot up in surprise. He surely hadn't been expecting that. "Well, yes." Harry mumbled, almost ashamed of his decision. What if Remus told him that it was a bad idea? Harry valued Remus's opinion greatly, he was the last family he had, and he wouldn't be able to stand disagreeing with him.

A slow smile spread on Remus's face. "I'm happy for you then. A baby is great."

"Well, yes but not really." Harry winced.

"You didn't tell him about your feelings or the baby, right?" Remus sighed. "You need to tell him."

"I can't, Remus. He'll be mad." Harry protested weakly.

"Why would he be mad?"

"Because he doesn't love me and now I'm having a baby." Harry laughed humorlessly. "He's married and has a son my age and I'm having his baby. That's pathetic." He felt tears well up in his eyes.

"Come here." Remus stood up and pulled Harry into a comforting hug. Harry returned the hug fiercely and let his tears fall as he wondered what he had done to deserve ending up in such a situation.

Remus eventually pulled away. He wipped Harry's tears away and kissed his forehead. "It's your choice, your feelings and your baby. No matter what you choose, I'll be there for you, alright?"

Harry nodded and sniffled gracelessly. "Alright. Thanks, I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd die probably." Remus joked lightly.

"You sad, Hawwy?" Teddy asked, looking up worriedly at his godfather.

"Nah, I'm okay. Your Daddy made sure of that." Harry sent a grateful smile Remus's way.

"Gweat. Eat you' cookies then."

Harry chuckled at the way Teddy talked. He still didn't know how to pronounce his r's the right way and Harry could only describe it as endearing. He took a bite of his cookie but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"I'll get it." Remus said. "Oh." Harry heard Remus exclaim, he was being suspiciously loud. "Hello, Lucius."

Harry gasped despite himself and suddenly felt like hiding under the table, which in his opinion was incredibly silly. "Hello, Remus." Lucius sounded extremely tired and his voice was strained. Harry wanted nothing more than to go there and pull his lover- __ex-lover__ into a tight hug. "I was wondering if perhaps you had heard from Harry today?" Lucius cleared his throat. "Is he here, please?" Lucius's voice sounded weird, almost pleading. A tone Harry had never heard in his __ex-lover__ 's voice.

"I-" Remus trailed off. Harry was praying for Remus to lie. "He's not. I'm sorry, I haven't seen him today."

"Oh." Harry could have sworn Lucius sounded like he was disappointed but he quickly shoved the thought aside, convinced that it was only wishful thinking. "Well, if you see him, could you maybe tell him that I dropped by?"

"I will."

"Thanks."

Harry heard the door slam close and sighed in relief. Remus really was one of a kind, he knew what he had to say without Harry needing to step in. "Thank you, Remus." Harry said as Remus joined he and Teddy back in the kitchen.

Remus shrugged slightly, a tight smile on his face. "Your choice." Harry saw worry flash through Remus's eyes and he realized that the man was actually worried about __Lucius__ , not Teddy or Harry but __Lucius Malfoy__. Remus's reaction caused a deep wave of guilt to wash over Harry. "Well, how far along are you? I don't think you told me that." Remus said as he sat back down, trying to lighten the mood slightly.

"Three months." Harry realized that talking about his pregnancy indeed managed to lighten the mood.

 ** ***JSM*****

Harry groaned as he realized that his robes didn't fit anymore. It had been two months since he had moved in with Remus, two months since he had stepped foot outside Grimmauld Place, two months since he had feld his flat. He was now five months pregnant and he was huge. Well, if he was honest with himself, he wasn't that huge but he felt like he was a walking potato.

"Remus." He shrieked more than called. He needed Remus to help him fit in. He couldn't quite get out of Grimmauld Place with robes that didn't fit.

"What's going on?" Remus breathed out as he appeared at the door of Harry's bedroom, sweaty and out of breath.

"They don't fit anymore." Harry whined as he turned around to face Remus. "I'm fat." Harry felt tears well up in his eyes. Stupid hormones.

Remus sighed. "You're not fat. You're pregnant, that's different." He said as he pulled Harry into a hug, allowing him to soak his robes with tears. "Besides, I think motherhood is treating you very well." Remus added as he pulled away.

"I'm not a mother yet." Harry spat, his sadness replaced by anger. "I'm just a walking incubator."

"Well-" Remus was cut off by a loud pounding on the front door. "You wait here, I'm going to answer the door and then we'll figure something out for your robes." Remus kissed his forehead and quickly got out of the bedroom.

"But we're gonna be late." Harry whined.

"No we're not." Remus replied from the stairs, he voice echoing through the household.

"Remus! Come back here." Harry yelled in annoyance.

"Stop complaining Harry, you're even whinier than Teddy. You don't-" Remus trailed off, which worried Harry slightly. He hurried to the stairs and bent over the railing to see that Remus had answered the door. "Hello Lucius. Long time no see."

"Hi Remus." Harry could catch a glimpse of Lucius's face from where he was and he was glad that Lucius couldn't see him. He was as handsome and graceful as ever and Harry wished he could run down and kiss the living daylights out of the man. But he knew he couldn't, not with his round belly. "I need to see Harry."

"He's not here." Remus lied but sounded false even to Harry's ears. Lucius had probably heard him and Remus yell around the house anyway.

"I know he's here. Please, I just want to talk." Harry was surprised to see Lucius sway slightly, staining his appearance of a graceful pureblood. He noticed then that Lucius had deep circles under his eyes and that they were red rimmed, as though he had spent days crying or as though he had had a hard time getting some sleep, if any.

"He doesn't want to see you." Remus said and Lucius's face fell even more which made Harry's tears fall. He couldn't stand seeing the man he loved so broken. But was he really? He didn't have any feelings for Harry so why would he be broken?

Lucius's dread and horror turned to anger, disdain, and dare Harry say, jealousy. "You're shagging him, aren't you?" Lucius sneered. "I know you are. That's why he left."

"You're being stupid, Lucius. You should go home."

Harry sighed and went back to his room, locking the door behind him. He didn't want to hear any more. He couldn't believe his __ex-lover__ thought so low of him. It hurt to know that Lucius thought he was the kind of man to do such a thing. Harry would have never left Lucius for Remus, or for anyone for that matter, much less without an explanation. Yet again, Harry couldn't blame him for thinking that, he had indeed left Lucius and downright disappeared from the surface of the Earth without an explanation. Lucius merely looked for any likely explanation. He didn't understand why though. Shouldn't he be with his wife?

Harry let himself slide against the wall opposite the door, close to his bed as a sob escaped his lips. He wished he had ran down the stairs. He wished he and Lucius were still together. He wished he and Lucius had been together in the first place. He wished Lucius loved him as much as he loved Lucius. He wished he had told Lucius about the baby. He wished he hadn't left.

"Oh, Harry." He heard Remus sigh before he was pulled against a chest and cuddled. Remus let him cry and sob hard, soaking his robes with tears along the way without asking any questions.

 ** ***JSM*****

Harry sighed as he let himself fall into a chair, next to Remus. They had managed to find a solution for his robes problem and Harry had ended up wearing Remus's black robes. Thanks to his petite and lithe form, the robes fitted Harry quite well and allowed him to hide his growing belly. Remus's robes were warm and comforting and so Harry felt slightly less uncomfortable at being out of Grimmauld Place, he felt a little less exposed. Ever since he had known that he was pregnant, he had felt like everyone knew as well and that his belly was the only thing they saw. That was partly why, in his two months at Grimmauld Place, he had never gone out. The other reason being his avoiding Lucius.

It had taken a whole hour for Harry to calm down and stop crying after Lucius's unexpected visit but eventually, he had managed to pull himself back together and had taken care of Teddy while Remus had looked for some robes he could wear. They had left for the Burrow shortly after, arriving just on time.

Molly and Arthur had gathered the whole Order, the members who were still alive at least, to celebrate an early Christmas just as they had done the year before. Harry had been allowed to come but only on the Weasley children -except Ginny- and Remus's insistence. Molly had reluctantly agreed but as soon as Remus had taken her aside to tell her that Harry and Lucius's relationship was done and over with, she had been much more friendly.

Molly had obviously told everything to Ginny who had been over the moon and had refused leave Harry's side ever since. He was happy to be able to catch a break and decided that he would remain by Remus's side as long as possible. Ginny would not bother him then.

Harry had spent an hour doing small talk and wandering around the Burrow. He was rather exhausted and his back hurt slightly. He wanted to go back to Grimmauld Place and fall into bed to never get up again. He decided right then and there that he would propose to his bed as soon as he was back home.

Harry had been surprised to notice that Lucius was not here, he had been relieved but surprised nonetheless, even more so when he caught sight of Draco and Narcissa in the crowd. Lady Malfoy had not quite come over her hate of the Weasleys but was clearly making efforts given that Draco was now engaged to one Charlie Weasley. It had come as quite the commotion when it had been announced that the two were dating a month after the end of the war. But everyone had been extremely happy and accepting which comforted Harry in his idea that the real problem for Molly and Arthur was the age gap between he and Lucius, and probably the fact that Lucius was a married man.

Harry looked up just in time to see Lucius enter the tent which had been erected for the event. Despite the snow falling outside, the inside of the tent was quite warm, courtesy of Bill's heating charms, and despite the snow falling outside, Lucius's appearance was as flawless as ever. The man seemed to notice Harry right away and took a moment to examine his state. Harry blushed when he realized that his head was resting on Remus's shoulder. Lucius glared daggers at Harry and the nineteen-year-old knew that if looks could kill, he would have dropped dead in an instant.

Lucius's glare caused Harry to flinch and tremble slightly. He hated that look on his __ex-lover__ 's face, it reminded him too much of the terrible mistake he had done and of what he had lost forever. Lucius hated him now, the man tolerated him before but now he __loathed__ him, giving no chance for Harry to make things right ever again. Not that Harry would try, he knew that Lucius not knowing about the baby was for the better. He wouldn't burden the man with a child he had never wanted.

Remus wrapped his arm around Harry's shoulder, believing that the nineteen-year-old was actually cold. He had yet to notice Lucius, too caught up in staring at his sleeping son whose head was resting on his chest. Harry bit the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood in an attempt to keep his tears at bay when Lucius sneered at him before walking away, probably looking for Molly.

Harry remembered Lucius's visit at Grimmauld Place earlier today. He remembered how Lucius had believed that Harry and Remus were now together. The thought made Harry jerk away from Remus. He didn't want Lucius, or anyone to believe that he was in a relationship with Remus, the man he considered his godfather. The mere thought made him sick. Not that Remus was not attractive, he was, Harry just couldn't see him as anything other than his godfather. Besides, Remus was still not over Tonks's death.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked as his eyes finally left Teddy to look at Harry.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You're not feeling sick again, are you?" Harry saw worry and fear flash through Remus's eyes. The man surely hated it when Harry threw up.

"No, I'm okay. I threw up before leaving Grimmauld Place, remember? I'll be just fine as long as they don't bring any pumpkin or tomato related food." Harry chuckled humorlessly. He had been surprised when he had noticed that his morning sicknesses were still not over and that calling them 'morning sicknesses' was nothing but an ephemism. He could be sick at any moment of the day; morning, midday, afternoon, evening, even during the night. He hated being pregnant, he couldn't understand why women enjoyed having so many children. It was a nightmare. He vowed right then and there that he would never get pregnant ever again. One pregnancy was enough for a lifetime, thank you very much.

"You look a little pale though." Remus said, a worried frown on his scarred face.

"I know, I just need to get some fresh air. Do you think you'll survive without me?" Harry joked.

"I'm not sure but I think I'll live through it." Remus said, a small smile on his face. "Take your time. Looks like Bill will keep me company." Harry turned around to see Bill walking their way.

"Alright then." Harry kissed Teddy's forehead and Remus's cheek before leaving the tent. He looked over the crowd one last time and his gaze fell on Lucius's tall form. The man was busy having an animated conversation with Molly Weasley. Molly's face was beet red and her arms were flying around as she spoke while Lucius's face was composed and emotionless. He knew that his __ex-lover__ didn't care in the slightest about what Molly was arguing about but he was still standing there, pretending to listen because it was unbecoming and rude to walk away from a conversation.

Harry looked longingly at his __ex-lover__. He missed him so much. He sighed and walked out of the tent, relieved when he felt the cold wind hit him square in the face. He tightened his robes around him, slightly revealing his baby bump as he made his way to the house, walking slowly in the snow-covered ground.

He sighed heavily as he reached the bathroom right up the stairs. He closed the door and opened his robes. He rubbed his bare and extended belly. A fond smile appeared on his lips. He was having a baby. He couldn't wait for him to be here. He had gone to St. Mungo's last month for his second scan and the healer had been able to tell him whether he was expecting a boy or a girl. And it was a boy. Harry had been happy to hear that he was a boy but he suspected he would have been as happy if it had been a girl. He couldn't wait for his baby boy to be here.

Harry's smile disappeared as it finally sank in that he would have to raise him all by himself. Remus would be here for him but he already had Teddy to take care of, Harry couldn't quite expect him to help him raise his own son. He really wished he had a special someone who he could rely on. He really wished he still had Lucius. He wished he wasn't all alone.

A sob escaped his lips as fat tears fell down his cheeks. Stupid hormones. He was truly and utterly alone. He felt like his world had just come crashing down. He didn't want to be alone. He thought that maybe he could have just gotten rid of the baby, he wouldn't have had to grow up with an incompetant nineteen-year-old as a mother then. But deep down, he knew that he wouldn't have been able to do it, perhaps he should just put the baby up for adoption once he was born.

Pain exploded in his heart at the mere thought. He would never get rid of his baby, he would never give him up to another family. It was __his__ baby and he knew that even though he probably was not competant enough to raise him, he would at least try the best he could. He would work hard for his baby to have a beautiful life. He just wished Lucius was here to help him.

Harry kept rubbing his belly as he sobbed his heart out, wishing for a man he knew would never be his.

He didn't how much time he spent crying in the bathroom, the only thing he knew was that his eyes hurt and his throat was dry and his belly was oversensitive from too much rubbing. He realized then that Remus was probably worried about him. He hadn't been supposed to spend so much time here. He quickly wipped his cheeks dry and buttoned his robes back up. He chuckled humorlessly at how stupid he was being. He shouldn't be crying that way.

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't even bother looking where he was going and collided hard with someone, their hard chest almost crushing his belly. A surprised squeal escaped his lips as he felt himself fall backwards and he closed his eyes, bracing himself for the fall, certain that he would collide hard with the floor.

Instead of the ground, he felt a strong arm wrap itself around his waist, preventing him from hurting himself. He opened his eyes and his gaze fell on Lucius's frowning face. Harry's eyes widened in dread. It was Lucius's arm around his waist, which meant he probably could feel his round belly. He hurriedly got back to his feet and unwrapped Lucius's arm from around his waist, wordlessly wishing that his dearest secret hadn't been found out.

"What are you doing here?" Harry's voice was harsher than he had wanted it to be which made him wince inwardly.

"A 'Thank You' would have sufficed, M. Potter." Lucius spat, but Harry knew it was only half-hearted.

"Sorry, thank you." Harry said, a tight smile on his lips. He would have done everything to have Lucius smiling down at him and to feel his lips on his own.

"Have you been crying, M. Potter?" Lucius asked, his displeased frown turning into a worried one.

"Of course not, why would I cry?" Harry knew that he needed to get away before Lucius had the occasion to ask more questions. He couldn't let him find out about the baby and hate him even more. "You should go back to your wife, M. Malfoy. __I__ have a godfather to go back to so if you'd excuse me." Harry pushed past his __ex-lover__ , careful not to touch him. He could have sworn he heard Lucius mutter something under his breath. It almost sounded like 'I no longer have one' but he was sure it was only his mind playing tricks on him. It was only wishful thinking, always wishful thinking.

 ** ***JSM*****

The next two months passed rather quickly for Harry. He didn't leave Grimmauld Place anymore. He had a too big belly to even think about stepping foot outside. He could no longer hide it and the news of his pregnancy would be in the Daily Prophet in no time if he put only a toe outside. And so he spent his days taking care of Teddy, talking with Remus, reading, eating and complaining about his back and feet hurting. He was aware of how whiny he was but he couldn't help himself. He felt like he was as heavy as a ton of bricks, he was fat and ugly and his back hurt and his feet were huge and swollen and the baby didn't want to stop kicking, he kept Harry awake at night and to top it all off, he still had morning sicknesses even as he reached his seventh month. His life couldn't have been worse.

He vowed right then and there that the next time he saw Lucius Malfoy, he would chop his balls off for putting him through __that__. But then he realized that Lucius wasn't supposed to know about his pregnancy and that he had to forget all about his cruel and bloody revenge.

He let himself fall onto the couch, a bowl of ice cream in one hand and spoon in the other. He had had the household to himself all day long. It was Valentine's Day and Remus had decided to visit Tonks's grave with Teddy. It was now nearing dinner time, Remus would be back soon and so Harry had decided to eat to busy himself. The baby was moving too much for him to concentrate enough to read anyway.

Harry was half asleep, his half empty bowl forgotten on the floor, when he heard a gentle knock on the door. Harry had taken to locking the door everytime Remus went out so he was not surprised when the man knocked, except that he hadn't actually locked the door today.

"Door's open." Harry called, too lazy to actually get up from his place on the couch. He didn't even have enough strength to open his eyes.

"It is very unbecoming to not answer the door, you know." He heard a velvety voice say.

Harry froze in shock. Two months had passed since he last heard that voice and he had certainly not been expecting it. He was very much aware of his shirt being pulled up, revealing his round belly. He knew that he couldn't lie anymore. Lucius was there and he had probably already noticed his seventh-months-pregnant state. Harry briefly considered faking death but after careful consideration, he realized that it was not a good idea.

Harry slowly opened his eyes. "Hi." He mumbled, feeling his cheeks heat up.

Lucius didn't even look at Harry's face, too busy glaring at his belly. "I see you and Remus didn't waste time." He sneered.

Harry bit his lower lip as a lump formed in his throat. He tried desperately to keep his tears at bay. Damn his stupid hormones. "It's not Remus's." He mumbled as he tried to sit up but failed miserably. "Could you help me, please?" He felt like crying in embarassment.

Lucius didn't comment though and rounded the couch before taking his hands and pulling him up. "Thanks." Harry mumbled, his cheeks red with shame as he tried to ignore the sensation that ran through him Lucius's touch. It felt like electricity.

"You're welcome." Lucius replied as he sat down next to Harry but he didn't say more, he didn't ask any more questions.

Harry took a deep breath, ready to tell everything. Now that Lucius knew that the baby was not Remus's, Harry didn't want him to think that he had sex with a stranger and got knocked up. He had to tell the truth even though he knew Lucius would hate him for it. "It's yours." His voice was nothing but a whisper.

"W-What did you say?" Lucius stammered after a couple minutes spent in silence.

"Please, don't hate me." Harry sobbed out. He couldn't keep his tears in anymore.

Lucius's own eyes were shining with unshed tears. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"'Cause I knew you didn't want to have a baby." Harry sighed. "Merlin, I don't even know why I'm crying. I hate being pregnant."

"I never said that."

"You said you didn't want to be in a relationship with me." Harry yelled, his sadness replaced by a deep anger. "You said you just wanted sex."

"Oh, Harry." Lucius sighed. "I only said that because I thought you weren't ready. You're only nineteen and I'm twice your age. I thought you were in it for the sex, that's why I told you I was too." Lucius took hold of Harry's face and wipped his tears away. "I dissolved my marriage for you."

"Really?" Harry mumbled, he couldn't believe what he had just heard.

"Really. That's what I came to tell you that day in October, right before you started avoiding me." Lucius chuckled. "I also came to tell you that I love you."

Harry smiled wetly in joy before throwing himself at Lucius and hugging as tight as he could. "I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry. I love you too, so much."

They spent endless moments kissing and hugging, happy to finally be with the one they loved. Harry felt like he was in Heaven. Harry found himself on Lucius's lap, back to chest as Lucius ran his hands over Harry's belly.

"How far along are you?" Lucius asked, his chin resting on Harry's shoulder.

"Twenty-nine weeks, nearly eight months. I'm supposed to give birth on May, the First."

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"A boy."

"I can't wait for him to be here." Lucius said, a silly grin on his face.

"Yeah, well, I can't wait for it to be over. We're never, ever having a baby again, do you understand?" Harry said, glaring daggers at Lucius.

"Oh, does it hurt much?" Lucius asked, his grin never leaving his face which made Harry wonder whether he really cared.

"It hurts like hell." Harry whined. "My back is killing me and I feel like my feet turned into freaking pumpkins. I'm tired all the freaking time, I can't sleep at night because he never stops kicking. That's not a child I'm carrying, that's the Devil himself."

"Are you tired right now?" Lucius asked, kissing Harry's neck.

"Depends on what you have in mind." Harry smirked as he exposed his neck further.

"Isn't Remus supposed to be here?" Lucius pulled his mouth away from Harry's neck, making him moan in protest.

"Right, Remus." Harry sighed. He had completely forgotten about him and Teddy. He blushed in shame. He had been so happy to finally have Lucius back that he had completely forgotten that he was at Grimmauld Place, where Remus and Teddy were also living. "No make up sex then. He and Teddy should be back any second now."

"Well, I'll have to be quick then." He gently pushed Harry over to the couch and stood up which made Harry frown slightly. "We have been together, well kind of together, for three years now, right?" Harry nodded numbly. "I didn't really prepare anything so I don't really know what to say except that I love you." Lucius pulled a velvety box out of the pocket of his robes and put one knee on the ground as it finally downed on Harry. "Harry James Potter, would you do me the honor of becoming my husband?"

Harry felt tears flood his cheeks. He couldn't believe Lucius had just proposed to him. He just got his lover back, he would have never thought he would propose. Harry chuckled wetly as nervousness flashed through Lucius's eyes and he realized that he had remained quiet for some time now. He nodded eagerly. "Yes."

A happy grin appeared on Lucius lips as he got up and he put the silver engagement ring on Harry's left ring finger before pulling him into a soul-sucking kiss. Harry chuckled once again as he pulled away from Lucius.

It finally sank in that perhaps Lucius wasn't doing it because he loved Harry or because he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him but because of the baby. "You're not doing this because of the baby, right?"

A fond smile appeared on Lucius's face. "I've been dying to do this for a year, Harry. I'm most certainly not doing this for our little boy."

"Good." Harry sighed in relief. "I was a little worried."

 ** ***JSM*****

Harry walked to the couch, a hand supporting his heavy belly and the other resting on his backside, just so that it would hurt slightly less. It had been a month and a half since he and Lucius were back together, a month and a half since Lucius had proposed and a month and a half since he had moved in Malfoy Manor at Wiltshire. Lucius had made Harry sit down while he had packed everything, refusing to let Harry help. Harry had hated it, he had felt like a disabled person. He was pregnant, not an infirm but he had went along with it because, in truth, his feet had felt like they were burning that day.

Lucius was taking good care of him. Harry felt loved and cherished. He loved living with Lucius, sleeping next to him, waking up to his face every morning, having breakfast with him and spending every minute of his day with him.

Harry wasn't due for another two weeks and so Lucius had decided that today was a good day for him to officially meet Draco, well to meet him as Lucius's soon-to-be husband at least. Lucius had told him that he should officially meet Narcissa as well but Harry had argued that it probably was not a good idea. She was Lucius's ex-wife after all, and he was going to marry Lucius and he had had an affair with Lucius while he was still married to her. Harry felt uncomfortable about meeting her. Lucius had reassured him by telling him that his marriage to Narcissa had been a marriage of convenience as was usual in pureblood families, nothing more. He and Narcissa had apparently remained good friends and she didn't mind that he was now marrying Harry, she was actually happy for him. Harry had still argued and then Lucius had conceded that they would wait until their little boy's birth and then Harry would meet Narcissa.

Harry had tried to argue with Lucius about where they should meet Draco. Harry had wanted to go to Draco's place but Lucius had said he wasn't in any shape to travel out of the Manor and he refused to take any risks. He had said that he valued Harry's and their little boy's life way too much to take any chances. Harry had been moved by his soon-to-be husband's words and so Lucius had won the battle.

Harry sat quietly on the couch, waiting for Draco and Charlie to arrive. From what Lucius had told him, Charlie and Draco had met after the war, while they were all helping rebuilding Hogwarts. After some dates arranged by Ginny herself, they had started dating. Charlie was much older than Draco and had a job in Romania, he had been working there for a few years now. Lucius believed firmly that Draco and Charlie would set a marriage date soon but Harry had his doubts. Charlie was really older than Draco and he had his job in Romania, Harry had trouble believing he would give it all up. He didn't think Draco would give up his life in England to go live with Charlie in Romania either, besides he was quite young to get married. But he couldn't quite judge Charlie or Draco, he had been in love with Lucius since he was fourteen and they were going to get married and have a child together, after all.

"Do you want me to get you something?" Lucius as he dropped a kiss on Harry's mop of hair.

"No, I'm okay. I just can't wait for this dinner to be over." Harry sighed. "I'd kill for a foot massage."

"I promise I'll give you one as soon as they are gone." Lucius replied.

"Thanks." Harry tilted his head up, silently asking for a kiss which he was happily granted. "I wouldn't mind some water, after all."

"I'll get it." Lucius kissed Harry once again and took off to the kitchen.

Harry sighed happily as he snuggled deeper into the couch. He winced as he experienced a particularly painful contraction. He rubbed his large belly. "Soon, baby. You just have to wait two more weeks and then you'll be with us." Harry whispered to his belly. He couldn't wait for their little boy to be here. His thoughts made him realize that he and Lucius didn't even discuss names yet and Harry was rather tired of calling him 'boy' or 'baby'.

He shuddered as he had yet another contraction. He was feeling a bit cold. He slowly got up from the couch and decided to go upstairs to fetch a blanket. He found his favorite blanket resting on the bed, it was a light and silky black blanket which smelt exactly like Lucius. He had found it a month ago, behind a pile of Lucius's clothes and had took it as his own. Lucius didn't seem to mind, he wasn't complaining out loud at least.

"Harry?" He heard Lucius call from downstairs.

"I'm upstairs." Harry replied as he wrapped the blanket over his shoulders.

"What are you doing up here?" Lucius asked from right down the stairs as Harry came into view.

Harry smiled fondly as he saw worry flash through Lucius's gray eyes. "I was cold and I-" Harry trailed off and gasped as pain exploded in his back. He groaned as it worsened, he gripped the railing as his legs shook madly.

"Are you okay?" Lucius asked he began climbing up the stairs.

"Yeah, I think I just went into labor." Harry mumbled, his eyes widenig in fear. "I'm not supposed to give birth yet." He whined. "I still have two weeks to go, I-" Harry's words turned into a scream as the pain became unbearable. He felt himself fall forward as he was engulfed by darkness.

 ** ***JSM*****

Harry woke up with a groan. His head hurt like hell and he could feel his blood throb in his ears. His belly hurt as well, as though he had been cut open. His eyes snapped open as he realized what the pain meant. Someone had cut him open. Someone had hurt his little boy. Harry couldn't breathe, he looked down at his belly where he could see an angry red scar. He felt extremely empty and he hated that feeling.

"Harry. Harry, it's okay. You're fine. You need to calm down, Love." Harry looked up to see Lucius as he felt his fingers run through his hair. "Take a deep breath."

Harry obliged as he realized it was the only way for him to be able to talk. "Where's the baby? What happened to our baby?" Harry sobbed out as he was calm enough to breathe normally.

"He's fine, he's perfectly fine. He's right here, see?" Lucius pointed at a small crib at Harry's right where a blonde-headed little boy was sleeping peacefully. He was wearing blue pajamas and was wrapped in Harry's silky black blanket. One of his tiny little hands was gripping a stugged red dragon. "He's beautiful, isn't he?" Lucius whispered to him as he sat down on the bed. Harry nodded wordlessly, a silly grin on his face.

He couldn't believe he and Lucius had made this perfect little being.

"We just need a healer to check you up and then you can hold him, alright?" Harry nodded once again, his eyes never leaving his precious son.

Harry didn't even notice Lucius leaving, he only looked up when he heard someone whose voice he didn't recognize talk to him. "How are you feeling, M. Potter?" A dark-skinned healer asked.

"I'm fine. Can I hold my son, please?" Harry pleaded, he wanted to feel his little boy in his arms so bad.

"I'm going to have to run some tests before that. It will only take a few seconds." Harry nodded and the healer waved his wand over Harry, silver letters appearing over his head.

The healer read it all quickly and smiled. "You're perfectly healthy, you can hold your son now. I will leave you some privacy and then I will come back to discuss it all."

Harry wasn't even paying attention to the healer anymore who left without a word, his eyes were glued to his sleeping son. Lucius picked him and carried him over to Harry before gently putting into Harry's waiting arms.

"He's so perfect." Harry said as he felt tears escape his eyes. He couldn't believe he was finally holding his son.

Lucius kissed his temple as he sat back down next to Harry. "He's all ours. Thank you."

"For what?" Harry asked as he looked up at Lucius.

"For giving me a son." Lucius smiled fondly before kissing Harry firmly on the lips.

Harry was about to reply when he felt their little boy move in his arms. He looked down just in time to see his little fist raise and he grabbed Harry's hospital gown hard. His eyes fluttered open, revealing emerauld green eyes, exactly like Harry's.

"He was quite worried, you know. We both were." Lucius mumbled as he nuzzled Harry's hair. "You gave us quite a scare."

"Really?"

"Yes, the healers didn't know when you'd wake up. You were unconscious for two weeks."

Harry looked up at Lucius to see his remaining worry and fear flash in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare."

Lucius smiled fondly. "I'm just happy you woke up and that this little one finally gets to meet his Mummy."

"He doesn't even have a name yet, you know." Harry said, he was horrified to realize that his son had lived two weeks without a name.

"Well, you carried him so you get to choose his name."

"Really?" Harry's eyes shone with awe, he couldn't believe Lucius was letting him choose their son's name. Lucius merely nodded in reply. "Well, I was thinking about naming him after my father, if you're okay with it."

"I'm happy with whatever you choose." Lucius reassured him.

"I kind of wanted to honor my godfather as well. I just miss them so much."

"Narcissa's cousin, right?" Harry nodded. "James Sirius then?" Harry nodded once again. "I think it's beautiful and it sort of suits him."

Harry ginned happily before kissing his lover. "Thank you." He looked down at their son, little James. "James Sirius Malfoy. I'm so happy you're here, little one." Harry said as he kissed his blonde-haired and green-eyed son's cheek.

 ** ***JSM*****


End file.
